What I Wish I Knew Before Starting IVF

Every couple chooses IVF for a specific reason. Generally it is seen as a tool for infertility, but once you’re in the IVF bubble you learn that it is so so much more.

We thought for a very long time that parenthood wasn’t for us. I don’t know exactly how or why that changed, but I remember the day it did. We were at one of our (many) specialists, Oncology OBGYN, to plan a preventative surgery. She discussed IVF with us and it was like a flip switched. With my health, my family history, and my husband’s family history there were a lot of question marks that we took stride by stride. We absorbed so much information, asked a million and one questions, and leaned into genetic testing even in fear. We were hopeful, but we were rational. We knew that even if this wasn’t going to work for us, we would be okay. There was also a lot we weren’t prepared for, like the grief. My husband lost his mom in 2020 to a very rare disease thats prognosis only has one end of the story. It is also genetic and was a big part in our IVF journey. We found a genetic counselor and 1 lab in the United States that is capable of testing for this disease, and wouldn’t you know his mother’s case study- all the way from Italy- landed in our inbox. He was negative.

We spent a good 8-10 months completing all of our genetic testing, getting my A1C in range, and being as health conscious as possible. I wish this was a “everything that will happen to you during IVF” guide for you, but that is impossible. The IVF journey is so completely personalized to every couple, every woman, that the best we can do is share our experience and hope it helps another couple navigate through their own way.

The Financial Cost of IVF

I don’t think we fully understood this part until after we completed each ‘step’ if you will.

Every stage in your journey, outside of the specialist and clinic visits, will require a decent sized sum. Before we even started, we planned on setting aside at least $40K liquid cash and strategically utilize credit to avoid overwhelming our household finances or draining our savings.

We thankfully also had health insurance, so I can only attest from that angle. However, I will say many clinics and labs offer competitive self pay rates to help patients out*. Costs to consider, who we used, and what we paid:

• Initial fertility and genetic testing - around $2K, a mix of Quest Labs, Luminary Genetics and NextGen

• Specialist and clinic consults - around $500/600 over the course of a year (insurance was a big help with this one, i had a bill for $0.18 one time)

• Medications (often thousands alone this was our heaviest cost even with insurance) - around $10K for 1 round I completed, Alto Pharmacy which is very easy to use and re-order

• Egg retrieval procedure - Anesthesia Fee was $770 + $324 (insurance covered over $7K)

• Embryo test creation & lab fees - around $6K

• Genetic testing (PGTA+PGTM if you did it) - about $1K, this depends on number of embryos etc.. your lab should go over this with you

• Embryo freezing + storage fees - $80/month

• Saline Ultrasound (I had to also get a biopsy from this result) This cost us about $900 all in

• Transfer - TBD! **UPDATE! I just got transfer meds to prep, they cost $25 only because insurance covered most of the expense.

Extra costs we had to consider because of my health:

-BRCA costs - Risk reducing surgeries

-Type 1 Diabetes Management & Hashimotos- significantly more insulin and higher dosage of Synthroid

-Factor 2 - blood thinners

-Eosinophilic Asthma - rescue inhalers & proper dosage

The biggest lesson that I can share with you is this: IVF isn’t just one bill, it’s layers of decisions and steps that have their own cost. At first, the costs feel overwhelming. “We are spending all of this money what if it doesn’t work?” The anger you have at your body for needing IVF. The guilt.

My husband and I checked in with each other often. It is a moment in time, for a bigger cause and a peace of mind for my health and our future baby.

My best advice, if possible, is utilize credit in a smart way and don’t be afraid to ask for a payment plan if it’s available. The smaller payments felt more manageable to us.

P.S. I am budgeting this year a lot more strategically after I calculated my health costs our household over $26K last year... read more here

The Physical & Emotional Cost of IVF

Let me start by saying this- I did not think that IVF would be easy, but for my personal journey I had set an expectation (completely on my own) of what this was going to look like. I finally feel like we have taken a step forward a little over a year later. The things I worried about most actually turned out to be the least of my problems.

No, shooting lots of hormones into my body for 3 weeks wasn’t fun. It hurt sometimes, but I’ve been doing shots my whole life as a Type 1 Diabetic. This part for me actually made me more emotional. Every mix and dosage obsession made me cry most nights: “I can’t believe I’m here doing this right now”, “We have 2 parents left”, “What if this doesn’t work”. I got bumps and bruises on my body no doubt, but I think I handled the influx of emotion like a champ.

What did I do? I communicated, especially to my husband… and my mom- the two people who were my safe zone. I shared everything, how I was feeling, and what I needed their help with. It sounds simple, but it’s the only thing I can think of that would have changed my mindset during this entire journey.

IVF is isolating, I say this with THE best support at home, I still felt alone at times. Saying you feel isolated doesn’t mean you have support, it’s all personal. On the rougher days all I can think about is that we have to go through all of this because of me.

The low down?

Emotionally, prepare to go through a lot of feelings. Depending on what brought you to your IVF journey. Things will come up and you’ll be fighting your dark twisty negative side a lot of the time. It’s not just the hormones that make it a big emotional journey, it’s the why behind what you’re going through. Prepare to live life in two week increments.

Physically, prepare to find your new normal. Poked, prodded, probed, for months and even for some years. You’ll be bloated, maybe bruised.. I gained a cute little 10lbs that seems to have latched to every cell in my body. Find your comfort items and focuses on taking care of yourself the best way you can.

Your body isn’t failing — it’s doing something incredibly demanding.

The Breakdown of Essentials You Need to Know Before Starting IVF

• You need more rest than you think, physical and mental stress intertwine

• Boundaries with people are non-negotiable, and no you don’t have to feel guilty about who falls out of your bubble

• Not every cycle gives you answers, and not every stage of your journey will give you answers

• You are allowed to grieve- anything and everything

• There is no right way to go through this journey, that’s between you and your spouse- and your care team

• Feeling isolated doesn’t mean your support system is a failure, it’s part of the process

• Budget best you can and expect out of pocket costs that will make you gasp aloud

• Get that cute notebook to keep track of EVERYTHING, mine has the following: care team and phone numbers, medicines and costs, medicine plan, appointment notes, login credentials for portals, result notes, questions and concerns, important dates, and everything that will keep this as organized as possible. There is a lot of information thrown at you all the time and let me tell you that 5 minute phone call will slip your brain very quickly.

I wish I could write with certainty this is exactly how your journey will look, or that you will have the ending you want to this journey, but I can’t.

My biggest hope for anyone who’s just starting IVF, deep in the middle of it, or quietly thinking about it… is that you can read this, exhale for a second, and feel like your best friend just sat you down and gently walked you through the basics — no overwhelm, no pressure, just real talk and reassurance from someone going through it right now. 🤍

To Me… and you, love me

XOXO

Lauren